My writing’s really what got me through the last year after Dan died. I..I mean at first I felt so betrayed as if he had left me for another woman. When you’re a blue collar woman and your husband dies, it takes away your..whole sense of security. So, I began writing about having all the money in the world, and I imagined myself going to spas and swanky New York parties just like the people on TV where nobody has any real problems and everything’s solved within 30 minutes. I tried to imagine myself at Mary Richards, Jeannie, ‘that girl’ but I was so angry I was more like a female Steven Seagal wanting to fight the whole world. For a while I lost myself in food and in a depression so deep that I couldn’t even get out of bed. Until I saw that my family needed me to pull through so that they could pull through. One day I actually imagined being with another man, but then I felt so guilty I had to pretend it was for some altruistic reason. And then Darlene had the baby and it almost died. I snapped out of the mourning immediately and all of my life energy turned into choosing life. In choosing life I realized that my dreams of being a writer wouldn’t just come true, I had to do the work. And as I wrote about my life I relived it, and whatever I didn’t like I rearranged. I made a commitment to finish my story even if I had to write in the basement in middle of the night while everyone else was asleep. But the more I wrote, the more I understood myself and why I had made the choices that I had made and that was the real jackpot. I learned that dreams don’t work without action, I learned that no one could stop me but me. I learned that love is stronger than hate. And most important, I learned that god does exist. He and or she is right inside you. Underneath the pain, the sorrow, and the shame. I think I’ll be a lot better now that this book is done.
- Roseanne, Series Finale